Sunday, May 27, 2012
Don't take me wrong. My heart is filled to the brim with joy and thankfulness. I have 4 darling children who are healthy and full of energy and who exhaust me every day. I guess my sadness comes from the part of my heart that right now, is doing exactly what I know I'm created to do. I LOVE being a mom. I LOVE snuggling my babies. As hard as the rough nights are, I can handle them. As much as I like to have time to fix my hair or put on mascara for the day, I don't mind if I didn't get to it that day because I am doing what I love. Nurturing and caring for these children is what I dreamed of doing as a child. Some dream of being a doctor, an astronaut or a ballerina; all I've ever dreamed of was being a wife and mother. And the fact that at 26 years old, I will not be having another baby to love and relive that girlhood dream that has come true 4 times over for me, is a little sad.
I know just because my baby is no longer a newborn (he is still a newborn but he is changing all too quickly) doesn't mean that I'm no longer doing what I love. I get to nurture and love these children for the rest of my life BUT it does mean that they will only say silly things for so long and I will only experience first giggles once more and this relationship that we currently have, the fact that I am the most important person in their life has an end point. Because they will grow up and I pray that they have the joy of finding a spouse and starting a family of their own.
On the bright side: Soon, our family will get to go on family bike-rides. We will be able to go on hikes. In a couple years, we'll probably even take a trip to Disneyland or go camping! I'll be cooking meals again in a year or two without a crying baby at my feet. Oh, and i might re-discover what this thing called sleep is. I am looking forward to another season of life, but please bear with me as I savor these baby stages. I may seem lazy at times while snuggling a sleeping baby but I'm really just trying to soak it up because you only live once and I'm living my dream right now!